The heart of the matter

I think i missed the reading yesterday.  I thought i did it, but now i'm not sure.

I am feeling deeply lonely & disconnected.  This is not a reflection on my marriage.  I'm married to the most wonderful guy in the world.  

I think the problem is within me, the emptiness that is almost always there.  I feel "needy" so often.  I spend so much time alone without many connections.  I struggle with these feelings, however.  I was told as a child that becoming a Christian takes care of the lonely feelings & the emptiness.  I have never found it to be so.  As a child i questioned my Christianity because the emptiness didn't leave, i didn't feel more like i "belong," & the lonely days echo.  I have often had trouble "witnessing" or "sharing my faith" because of this. 


Facebook is a big hit with lots of folks.  Twitter as well.  I don't do the latter.  I do FB, but i find it a disappointment.  In one sense it is not.  I get to see/hear about things from people with whom i otherwise have little contact (like my nieces & nephews).  I have "reconnected" with a couple of people i'd "lost" over the years.  


The reconnect hasn't really led anywhere, tho.  We've not had any conversation; i can now see what is happening in their lives as they post.  This is not "their" fault.  I've not written either & now that some time has gone by, i'm not sure even what to say.  


I find FB the ultimate in superficial connection.  Some folks have made more of it.  Donna asks for prayer for folks she knows.  Some people post scripture.  But, over all, i find it a casual, trivial, frivolous, contrived, artificial, meaningless, hollow.  I don't feel closer to any of the folks.  I just know more about them. 

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