Scattered thoughts

I sometimes read a blog called Refine Us.  Yesterday's post was Jesus Doesn't Want to Fix You.  Interesting.  I sent it on to Duane for his opinion & i can see we'll probably have a lot to discuss on our way home tomorrow.  (I do love our 4 hours in the car together every week.  It is precious.)


I think there is a lot of truth in this blog post.  We want to kind of add God/Jesus/belief/religion onto our lives as an appendage to augment what we already have.   His point is that Jesus wants to give us a NEW life, not to be tacked on to what we have & asked to "supercharge" our lives, or something.

The post (i don't know if Justin or Trisha wrote it) says that the emptiness we often feel is because we haven't really surrendered to Jesus, we just add him on.  I can really relate to this.

What this post doesn't discuss is fear.

I don't think that we want Jesus to "fix us" so that we have this great life solely.  I think that fear is a factor, the fear of really letting go & letting someone else assume control when we don't know where it is going to lead.  I think it is something like the fear of death.  We don't know what is beyond that last closing of the eyes & we fear that unknown & loss of control.  

Personally, i don't fear death.  I don't know what is on the other side & that does occasionally bring anxiety for me.  But overall, i'm not afraid of death.  It has long puzzled me when a Christian says to me, "I was so lucky!  I would have died if . . . "  It puzzles me because my response is, "But then you'd be with God!  You'd be in the presence of God & be with Jesus!"  ???


I don't think my attitude as "holy" however.  It is because i don't value (my) life a whole lot.  I think this is sin, but it is how i've viewed my life for a long time. 

My fear of really submitting to God is a similar fear, i think.  Fear of the unknown & the loss of control.  Also, i think from my upbringing, that there is the fear that submitting to God becomes a loss of self & personality & anything that makes me myself, who i am.  Now this is not scriptural.  It is more of an Eastern religion that believes that we each become "one with the universe" or part of a huge stream of consciousness & lose all personality/individuality.  

I do not believe this is what God wants for us.  


Regardless, it looks to me like i need to review my relationship with Jesus & see if i have had him just as an "add on" & if my belief & faith need to change.


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