Watering

This is not a new or unique idea.  What is watered grows, what doesn't get water eventually dies.

I'm a very challenged gardener.  I frequently forget to water.  I have a number of dead plants in my kitchen, currently, and about 4 that are doing very well.  I also have an ivy plant in the bathroom that is doing quite well.  I water it twice a week when i take a shower.  


In my faith, my belief in God, i frequently have doubts.  A few months ago i probably would have said, "struggle with doubt," but the truth is, i have begun to embrace the doubt.  Tho i am sure there are Christians who do not doubt, it is hard for me to imagine a thinking person NOT having doubts.  The world is just so contradictory.  There are just too many questions.  Many of the "promises" that Christians claim are taken out of context or do not come true.  How can i not doubt the nature of a God that says so many of the weird and bizarre things in the Old Testament.  Even many of the things Jesus said are difficult to grasp.  


I read a number of different blogs, many of which are Christian or written by folks who are Christian.  A few are about struggling with, accepting, or fighting doubts.  One of these is O Me of Little Faith.  There is also a book by the same title.  I've spoken of it before.  I would like to write about it more extensively, but haven't gotten around to doing so.  


Now, i know in the eyes of some folks, including our former pastor, doubt would usher me straight into hell.  I don't believe that.  But this is a discussion for another time.


The fact is, i have faith, such as it is.  It doesn't look like the faith of an Evangelical or Fundamental Christian.  Those particular branches of Christianity espouse things and do things that make me very uncomfortable.  But i have faith all the same.  It gives me some comfort.  It is not the type of faith that will blow away all doubt.  I think my faith will have to co-exist with doubt indefinitely.  


However, it recently occurred to me that i can choose my focus.  If i spend too much time at blogs that espouse doubt, then that is where my thoughts will be.  Blogs that embrace doubt are not harmful, they can (for me) be very helpful.  But anything that dwells too much on seeking out more doubt, more negativity, will have too much effect on me in a negative manner.  There is lots of research literature in psychology stating what a strong effect our minds, thoughts, and beliefs have on our physical and mental well being.


(BTW, if i am already reading your blog, i'm not talking about dropping it!  I'm only speaking of not further seeking that which will make me doubt, scientific data, etc.)

The fact is, none of us know.  That is where faith comes in.   People can claim to know, but they are not able to provide any kind of proof that would stand up in scientific testing.  People can claim an experience, but that is not something reproducible, nor is it something that anyone else can experience with them.  


I find, for me, that having some kind of faith, even if it also embraces and accepts doubt, is comforting.  Certainly there are many scriptures in the Bible that encourage living in a way that will bring peace:  Love your neighbor, being a peacemaker, being meek, pure of heart, or merciful.  It seems to be these are only negatives in the way we sometimes translate (or preach about).  I think that living as a follower of Jesus is the way to have a life that is more about peace and caring about others and being less self-involved.  Luke 12:34  For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. (Although, i recognize that if i lived in a place that persecuted Christians my faith would either have to grow to something more and become stronger, or die.)


Self-involvement is natural, of course, but when taken to an extreme it seems to be the root of most mental illness.  


Too much of the Bible is incomprehensible, too.  Except it does seem that Jesus is telling us that the fairness by which we measure is not very important to God.  Look at the parable of the workers in the vineyard (Matthew 20).  All i can do with something like this is to trust that the God who is so beyond me is a God who will care, even when things seem unfair to me.


When i focus too much on things that encourage severe doubt (which seems to go hand in hand with unhappiness for me), it does make sense to me to remember:  


1 Corinthians 1:25  For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.

And,  Proverbs 3:5-7  Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him,and he will make straight your paths.  Be not wise in your own eyes;  fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.


While i am not stupid, i am not terribly smart, either.  I think accepting that there is much i don't understand, and choosing not to believe my own brain is the ultimate to make decisions and understand everything leaves me the room to believe and trust in God, even if he is incomprehensible to me.  I've a feeling that all my own "wisdom" is pretty foolish.


There are so many things in our culture, our churches, our nation, our world, our universe, which make little sense to me.  Trying to make sense of them makes it worse!  It is comforting to me to believe that even if God seems unfair, unjust, and just simply weird, a God who created us and sent his son to be our bridge to him probably is incomprehensible.  That is where my faith comes in.  I choose to believe that i can't understand because it is beyond me and that all the unfairness in our world will make sense in the next, if it is even important enough to think of there.  And if i'm wrong (about the next world), well, i won't know, will i?  Or, i'll deal with that when i have to.

For me, it doesn't hurt to focus on these verses:


Philippians 4:8  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

I can choose which plant to water, doubt or faith.  I can choose to focus on positive rather than negative.  I've a feeling that when i water one, the other is getting some of that water, too.  But i think i want to focus on watering faith as much as possible, and accept that doubt grows there as well.  But i don't want to focus on what would make the doubt grow to the point it chokes out the faith i have.


(All these scriptures make it sound like i'm quite the Bible scholar, but it isn't true.  I don't actually do a lot of Bible reading, most of these i did a Google search, tho i did have the basics in my head to know what to search for.)



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